Funny Quotes by Famous People ~ John Glenn… As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind. Every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. ~ Howard Hughes… I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. I’m a billionaire. ~ Old Italian proverb… After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box. ~ Jean Kerr… The only reason they say ‘Women and children first’ is to test the strength of the lifeboats. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor… I’ve been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage. ~ Jeff Foxworthy… You know you’re a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn’t. ~ Prince Philip… When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. ~ Emo Philips… A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. ~ Harrison Ford… Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. ~ Spike Milligan… The best cure for Sea Sickness, is to sit under a tree. ~ Robin Hall… Lawyers believe a person is innocent until proven broke. ~ Jean Rostand… Kill one man and you’re a murderer, kill a million and you’re a conqueror ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger… Having more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million. ~ WH Auden… We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea. ~ Jonathan Katz… In hotel rooms I worry. I can’t be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked ~ Johnny Carson… If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead. ~ Warren Tantum… (School photo album). I don’t believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we’re very skeptical ~ Steve Martin… Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap ~ Jimmy Durante… Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. . ~ Doug Hanwell… America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric. ~ George Roberts… The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone ~ Jonathan Winters… If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. ~ Robert Benchley… I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.