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59 Actual Newspaper Headings

59 Funny Actual Newspaper Headings

(collected by journalists)
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 1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
 2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
 3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
 4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
 5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
 6. Farmer Bill Dies in House
 7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
 8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
 9. Stud Tires Out
 10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
 11. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
 12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
 13. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
 14. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
 15. Eye Drops off Shelf
 16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
 17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
 18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
 19. Shot Off Woman’s Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
 20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
 21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
 22. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
 23. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
 24. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
 25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
 26. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
 27. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
 28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
 29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
 30. War Dims Hope for Peace
 31. If Strike isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
 32. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
 33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
 34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
 35. Deer Kill 17,000
 36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
 37. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
 38. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
 39. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
 40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
 41. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
 42. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
 43. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
 44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
 45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
 46. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
 47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
 48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
 49. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
 50. Air Head Fired
 51. Steals Clock, Faces Time
 52. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
 53. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
 54. Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
 55. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
 56. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
 57. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
 58. Include your Children When Baking Cookies
 59. 4-H Girls Win Prizes for Fat Calves